Who’s in Your Head and Why Are They So Negative?
If you had a friend who consistently said things to you that made you feel small, things that were damaging to your self-esteem, would you maintain the relationship?
What if that so called “friend” was an ever-present voice in your head? You know, it’s the one that says things like, “what’s the use?” “why bother?” “you’ll never…,” “you’re not good enough,” “no one understands you,” “you don’t deserve…, “you should….” Sound familiar?
I bet it does.
The thing is, as limiting and disparaging as those voices are, we tend to listen to them.
What if you didn’t?
Recognize that there are any number of positive and supportive options available at any time. No need to argue with the negative voice. Just thank it for its opinion and give yourself permission to recognize that you do deserve to have, be and do what’s important to you, that you can make mistakes and still be okay, that it might take a number of attempts to get t--hings the way you want them to be and that perfection need not be necessarily be required.
One caveat—that little voice never actually goes away, but you can definitely learn to ignore it.
Are You Ready to Take a Stand for What You Say You Want?
There’s a life changing concept I want to share with you. It’s based on a line in the 1976 movie, Network. In it, the news anchor rants to the television audience, “Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!'”
Maybe you’re not quite mad as hell, but perhaps there are things in your life that you’re tired of, frustrated with, given up on. Maybe you think you “should” do something, but you haven’t done anything yet and you don’t have a plan.
Things don’t change just because it would be nice if they did. And you’re not necessarily going to do something differently just because it’s a good idea. But if you’re ready to take a stand for what you want to do, or be or have and commit to that…well.
John Assaraf said, “If you’re interested, you’ll do what’s convenient; if you’re committed, you’ll do whatever it takes.” Yes, change might be a bit of a challenge. So what. Lance Armstrong put it well when he said, “Pain is temporary, quitting is forever.”
So I challenge you to take a stand for yourself. Use this quote by Paul J. Meyer as your affirmation. “Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon must inevitably come to pass.”
Here’s how it works. First, you imagine yourself doing, having or being what you say you want. Want it so bad that you have that commitment to do whatever it takes. Make sure you truly believe you can make that happen, and that you deserve it. Finally, create a plan and work it. Work on it every day. Get support if you need it. Do it.
Is Your Imagination “Running Away with You”?
Does this ever happen to you?
There’s something important you need to do but you’re putting it off because you’re thinking doing it will be difficult or unpleasant in some way? Strangely, it seems to be easy to imagine the “worst case scenario” as the likely outcome.
That story in your imagination is powerful enough to keep you from doing something you actually need to do. The Temptations understood this, as you may remember from this lyric:
“A cozy little home out in the country with two children, maybe three.
I tell you, I can visualize it all. This couldn't be a dream, for too real it all seems.
But it was just my 'magination, once again.
Running away with me.”
Since what you imagine can seem so real, why not practice imagining positive experiences and outcomes? Here’s one way to do that. Let’s say your task involves getting your financials ready for your tax preparer. You might have slogged through this task in past years and found it tedious. So you are imagining this time being grim and you just aren’t enthusiastic about starting.
The solution is imagining the task being more of an interesting challenge – something you can get involved in and make timely progress, and then feel a satisfying sense of accomplishment. Perhaps think about the benefit of doing the work.
“Oh sure,” you may be thinking. “Fat chance I’d buy into that.” No problem. The positive thoughts create what’s called cognitive dissonance, an inconsistency. Now your brain can recognize a choice.
Think of how you’d increase the appeal of doing the work. Consider what’s in it for you to complete the task, how you’ll feel when you do. It’s your imagination so you can enhance the experience in any way you want. Step into that picture and claim it as real.
The more you start thinking positive, the easier things become.
Need more tips? Check out the Artful Coaching Facebook page.
Who's in Your Head?
Does this ever happen to you?
Before leaving for an appointment this morning, I checked my email one last time (just to make sure nothing urgent came in. Then, before I knew what I was doing, I opened one that had an intriguing subject line. Wouldn’t you know it, the article had information I was interested in pursuing. I clicked the link that took me to the website that had a list of “helpful resources.” As I scanned the list noting several articles and sites I’d like to check out the “adult voice” in my head reminded me that I had an appointment to get to and that the resources would still be there in the afternoon. Sometimes my eagerness to pursue something interesting gets the best of me. Fortunately, I have more than one voice in my head.
Eric Berne developed a theory of Transactional Analysis. He said we have three ego states – parent, adult and child. The parent state is the one that creates the "should” that make us feel so guilty. Everyone has this part and it can be relentless. Then there’s the child state. When we’re functioning from this place we’re either resisting the parent state, maybe even being oppositional, or we’re just into having fun. The place you want to come from is the adult state. When you’re there your decisions are not based on what you should do or what’s fun, but on what makes sense.
How do you know what makes sense for you at any given time? One way is to have a future check with an “if…then” conversation (yes in your head). i.e. “if I do this now here’s what is likely to happen as a result.”
You can develop the habit of listening to the adult voice in your head that suggests behaviors that make sense. This is really preferable to being cowed by the tyranny of “should“ or the voice that doggedly resists being told what you must do or be. Of course, it does take time to develop and maintain a habit. Having someone to hold you accountable will help you succeed.
You can do it yourself with commitment and a tracking sheet, find an accountability partner, or better yet, work with a coach.
Who do you know that would love a half hour phone coaching session as a holiday gift? My gift to you when you book your own complimentary session before November 30th.
Check out the Artful Coaching Facebook page for tips and information
And please do “like” us there!
Wait Your Turn
Does this ever happen to you? You have a thought, but before you can act on that thought another thought bumps the first thought and gets in front of it, and you start focusing on the second thought. Then as you’re attending to that new thought, you remember something related and start thinking about what to do with that. And you realize -- wait a minute, wait a minute, what’s going on, and you pause to gather your thoughts. You notice the first thought wandering around and you start to bring it back to the front before another interruption can occur.
This happens to many of us from time to time. It happens to people who are not linear thinkers with frequency. People who are creative thinkers, divergent thinkers, those with ADHD often have so many thoughts vying for attention at the same time that it can be difficult to prioritize and focus on just one thing at a time.
Like right now, I’m writing this article, but ideas for another writing project keep intruding, as does an impulse to take my dog for a walk, and wondering if the mailman has delivered the mail yet.
One possible solution involves using a timer.
* Decide on something you want to/need to do.
* Determine how much time that task might require and how much time you’re willing to devote to it at a particular time. E.g. This afternoon at 3 p.m. for 30 minutes.
* Schedule that in your calendar (if it fits, of course).
* Gather everything you need plus a note pad, and clear things that might be distractions.
* Set the timer for 30 minutes and commit to it. Really.
* Write anything that pops into your head as a different “to do” on the pad so you’ll remember it later.
* At the end of the 30 minutes decide what’s next, continuing with what you were doing if you haven’t finished, or moving on to another task that now has a higher priority.
If you’re thinking, “Yeah, sure, that won’t work for me,” you may be right. It’s only a possible solution. Try it. Make adjustments. If it works make it a habit.
Wait, Wait, Just One More Thing
Ever get pulled into an online story and know you don’t have time to read it all? Or see an intriguing headline posted on your landing page or on some other page you’re visiting? Maybe you’re working on a project and if you can just do that “one more little thing” you can put it away for the day.
When this happens you get time blind. This happens to us non-linear or divergent thinkers all the time. When you get very focused on and involved in something, it’s as if time doesn’t feel like its passing. In fact, you may not be aware of time at all. The downside is that spending that time “right now” can make you late for something you’ve already committed to doing.
Those fifteen minutes you spend reading an article on line causes you to walk out the door to an appointment fifteen minutes later, or have to skip something important, like maybe your breakfast. Wouldn’t you like to find ways to make time boundaries work for you?
It is possible to save online articles and bring them with you so that when you’re sitting in the waiting room at the dentist’s office, or on your lunch break at work you could read then.
Two options that help you save web pages for later reading are “Readability” and “Pocket.” The Readability site boasts “Readability turns any web page into a clean view for reading now or later on your computer, smartphone, or tablet.” And at GetPocket.com you’ll find another version of the same option. The exact article is right there when you have the time to read it.
Now all you have to do it remember to bring your phone when you leave!
August is a vacation month for many. Are you someone who finds it challenging to keep up with your goals and habit during and after breaks? If so, it might be time for a coaching check in. Call for a coaching session if you feel your momentum flagging. Single check in’s only $25 for a half hour telephone session through August 31st.
“Getting Organized for Non-Linear Thinkers” -- six week classes are scheduled to begin again this fall.
Tuesdays –starting 9/8 from 7 to 9 p.m. through West Contra Costa Adult Ed
Mondays –starting 9/14 from 7 to 9 p.m. through Piedmont Adult Ed.
Check the school sites for registration information, and be sure to register early.
Three Wishes
Imagine that you're being give three wishes today. Would your wishes be about money, relationships, health...world peace? Would you want to be different in some way? Paul J. Meyer said, "Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon must inevitably come to pass."
If you imagined your wishes you've already accomplished the first step. Now, do you believe that you can have, do, or be what you're wishing for? How much to you really, really want it?
If there was no genie and having your wishes come true depended on you taking action, are you ready to make the commitment to working towards what you wish for?
Are you really ready to have the outcomes you'd get from having your wishes fulfilled? Then let's make it happen.
My wish is that you'd consider coaching as a resource to help you define your goals, create plans of action and, with ongoing support, accomplish what's important to you. Contact me to talk about making your wishes come true.
Do you have, or think you have, attention deficit disorder? Here's what Eden Tosch says about coaching:
"I don't know anyone who doesn't struggle with attention deficit these days. How can we not with all the bells and buzzers, expectations and commitments that most of us are trying to fulfill? For me, a small business owner trying to do everything I want and need to do, modern life spins my head around.
The ever increasing stresses of life requires some new way to get grounded and supported. There are a 100,000 coaches of various sorts out there. But until I started working with Sydney I found that life was draining and disrupting my ability to be happy and cool headed. The simple activity of having a weekly call with Sydney has helped me do things that I would never have been able to do without her! She uniquely understands how to guide inspired and overwhelmed people to deal practically with their reality!"
EdenAyurveda.com
facebook.com/EdenAyurveda
/Find out how coaching can work for you. Call me at 510 223 3882. Phone and Skype sessions are available.
Ten Tips to Keep Up During the Holiday Season
The days are getting shorter as we approach winter, and you might feel like there's just not enough time in the day to get everything done; especially during the holiday season. Is it possible to keep up? Or even get ahead? Here are some tips.
1. Look at the dates of the big holidays you celebrate. What do you typically do for each of them. Think about how long the preparations have taken in past years and schedule start dates for the tasks.
2. Do you have to do everything yourself? Consider what you can delegate and let others take care of those things.
3. Are the items on your list tasks "must do" or just "it would be nice to do." Focus on the must do items.
4. How much time can you free up to do the things that are actually important? Is watching television or hanging out on Facebook really necessary?
5. Plan each day every morning. Think about what tasks will give you a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.
6. Learn to say no. It's okay to set limits.
7. Less is more. Think about what is enough and what might be more than necessary.
8. If things feel overwhelming just pick three things you will do that day and put your energy and time into doing them.
9. Give yourself credit for anything and everything you accomplish no matter how small.
10. Get plenty of rest no matter what.
Think of being the person who designs your life.
Need help? Contact me for a complimentary half hour phone coaching session before 11/30/14.
You "Get To" ...
It's difficult, tedious, takes too long. You're not sure where to start or what to do. Does that make the task sound appealing? Of course not. I frequently hear these complaints as reasons why people procrastinate. Yet, if you're like the people I'm referring to, you actually want the thing or things done.
So what's the solution? First, remove that negative association you have for what's likely to be a neutral task. Instead of focusing on the downside of the task what if you looked at the benefits? Think, "I get to..." rather than "I have to..." and notice the difference that makes.
The Secret to Getting Results
My clients always say they'd like more time, more money, better health, a more organized home or office. Who doesn't want their life to be better, anyway.
So here's the thing. To have improvement in any or all of the above areas you must make the commitment to do the daily work to get the result you say you want.
Motivational speaker Tony Robbins says, "“I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment and life’s greatest rewards (are) reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret.”
The secret is to expand your comfort zone. Make a commitment to yourself. Get clear about specifically what you want your life to look like, and accept that in order to have or do what you say you want you'll need determination and persistence...and maybe the support of a coach. That's what I'm here for.